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If you caught your spouse cheating on you, would you give them a second chance?

Total Voters: 976
No second chances 39%
Yes 39%
Only if married for a long time 39%
Only if we had kids 39%
I don't know 39%
Amy07/09/091:50amNo way are you mad i would never take someone back
Andrea02/02/0911:21amNot a chance 1 strike your out!
MONICA07/25/083:24pmIf i caught my girlfriend cheating ''HELL NO'' second chance for what shouldn't have done it in the first place not gonna let you do it again that's why when you decide to get with some one be sure it's what you want ''I LOVE YOU NORMA''
Lindamarie06/27/084:25pmNo Second Chances... NO WAY!
Milissa12/29/074:57pmI love my man very much.. and i know he would never cheat... but if he ever did cheat.. i would give him 2nd chance.. just because i love himo so much.. i would be hurt alot but i would deal with it.. and trust that he would never do it again
Nero10/12/078:49pmIf i ever busted my girlfriend cheating on me i dont know what i would do,,,, A secong chance is out of the Q.....
Rebeeca05/31/074:50pmIf i found out that the person would never have a second chance at all
Marlene 02/17/076:18pm Yes
A broken heart02/14/0710:08amI did in the past and what happened? That's right, they did it again. Once a cheater always a cheater. Never again. There is no excuse in the world why someone should cheat, they never really loved you to start with.
Crystal01/17/074:24pmI have already been here, I have gave him second change, why is b/c when you really love some one as much as I love Jason then you will for give them from anything. But I can see if it when people say no I will not give them another change, b/c it does hurt alot.
Rozlynn09/26/0610:41pmI wouldn't give that person a second chance because that person broke the circle of trust. Why should anyone put themselves in that position anyway. The bond of trust is broken.
Darian09/08/069:15amI would give him a second chance because i LOVE him!
Robin07/14/068:25amI'd give him a second chance. I'd want to know what made him do it. I understand that no one is perfect , myself included. I'd give him a second chance.He'd have to understand and be prepared for alot of changes on how I treat him. He would not be trusted so easily for one. I'd give him a second chance because every one is entitled to make mistakes. However if it was early on in the relationship that this cheating was discovered, He'd be gone in an instant heartbeat. I also know that even if I was married or not I do not own a person and god dont give me anything forever and it may be the time for me to grow from that experience. who knows his cheating could have been a blessing and my path is free to allow my true kindred soul to come to me. :)
Dee05/21/064:17pmThanks for the comments "cheeted on too"... It was a couple of yrs ago that this happened, but it feels like yesterday. You are right to say that I should not waste anymore time on them...... who?.. what?... where?.... Life is for living :o)... god bless you always... and for all those wronged.. keep strong and listen to C.O.T... Karma!!
Question05/20/068:30pmI wonder what the results would be in Italy? It would be very interesting to see how other cultures differ.
Marie05/17/065:17pmI grew up with a father that cheated on my mom on several ocassions. It was really hard to carry the shame to know that my parents really didn't love each other. It took me a long time to trust men...and guess what, my first real relationship was with a man just like my father! I was shocked, angry and ashamed of my poor choice with men. I learned a lot with this experience and luckily I met someone wonderful. In short, by my mom giving my dad several chances, I learned a really bad lesson about love, trust and respect.
Giovanni05/16/062:26pmYou should ask this question in Italy, you would get a much different result.
Feathers05/15/065:54pmCheating is a foolish game and never played between two people who say they love each other when that trust is broken then it was never true love from the start
MAC05/15/061:50pmOnce a cheater, always a cheater
Dale05/15/0612:17pmI very recently learned that my husband of 13 years has been cheating on me with women on sexual chat lines and hookers!! I am devasted and he is out of my home. I feel stupid, angry, and have no self esteem left. i wonder if I will ever be able to trust a man again. I wonder if I will ever get over the anger and hurt. I am now grieving for the lost of my marriage. It is a difficult journey.
Self Respect05/15/068:31amFor me, its simple: cheating is just another form of disrespect and abuse; if a man raised his hand to you, would you stay with him? I wouldn't--just the threat of being hit is enough reason to get the heck out. Men who hit or cheat have no respect or appreciation for women, they just have power issues. Bravo to all you amazingly strong ladies who've cut the cheaters loose--life really will be better (if it isn't already). Let some other, less intelligent bimbo have him (what makes them think he won't just cheat on them, too?!!). I had a co-worker approach me about having an affair (he was married, I was single); I had considerd him a friend until that day--and I told him where to go. I'd never do that to another woman!! Besides--*I* deserve better!
Cheated on too05/15/066:58amDee, that is a terribly trajedy what happened to you. It sounds pretty recent too. The best revenge is always to live well! Rotten people always get there come-upances...always. And by living well what I mean is for you not to waste one more second of your life being angry or even thinking about people like that. You sound like you are better people than they are. They don't deserve your time. I had to tell you this, because I know, I speak from experience. My son's father dis-owned him too and has three kids with someone else who said my son wouldn't exist when she had her own. My husband that I have now is a good man and loving father to my child. Life will get better for you! God loves you! Be well.
C.P.05/14/065:37pmHard to make it a black or white situation. Too many variables. It is possible to give the person a second chance. Depends on so many things.
Judy05/14/063:28pmNo because they will do it again.
Deb05/14/068:43amI believe that cheating (especially one night stands) can be a weakness in the individual, not neccessarily the relationship. I'm in a 7 yr relationship and I don't think I would throw all that away because my fiancee made a mistake. Fortunatley I haven't been faced with this issue.
LeeAnna05/13/062:29pmI do not believe that any of us can say with any certainty exactly what we would do, or what another should do. Sometimes people cheat for an adrynaline rush, other times it is because they are un happy in their relationship. The latter can be fixed. If my husband were to cheat after 11 years of being faithful I would have to look at myself, and our relationship and not just to him for the problem.
Deidre05/13/062:24pmGiving a cheater another chance is simply giving them another chance to cheat on you!!!END OF STORY. Cheaters are addicted to the adreneline of the sneaking around and the rush the get from lying when they get caught. Get WISE all of who have been cheated on.
Barbara05/13/0611:16amAs I have never been married so really I can't do this this with an experience but I have been in common-law relations. I have forgiven the ex's for fooling around but to forget is really hard. But if I were in a long marriage and he were to do this to me I would ask why he did it and then hopefully work out on the problem and if he was not happy then to take a walk.
Gemsie05/13/062:40amI found out my ex fella had cheated on me with my mate, I was really hurt but at the end of the day what goes around comes around. I could never have a relationship with him again but were both adult enough about it to still get on and I now understand why it happened which has fortunately made it easier to deal with.
Dee05/13/061:53amMy ex- husband had an affair, the girl involved DELIBERATELY gave me v.d. in the hopes that I'd not have any kids with him as she thought he'd neglect the ones she had with him. She gave it to me whist I was carring my child as she wanted me to have a misscarage. (She told me this after the divorce). He doesn't see the child I have with him as I've got 1 kid and she has 3. He says he'd rather loose 1 than 3, the problem with that is, I've NEVER stopped him seeing the child. An excuse I feel. Twisted people, I don't forgive. Forgiveness is a strength I don't have right now, I know time is a great healer... blah, blah, blah.... but it's hard to forgive such actions, hence my vote being NO WAY!!... For all those who have been hurt to the core, think karma... I do, and that's what keeps me going. I don't need to sink to that level and react.... I belive that we all have karma which follows us all our lives... so cheaters think on!!!
Karen05/12/0611:49pmIt really depends on the person and the situation. There are creeps out there who should absolutely be dumped, and then there are people who may have one time fallen into temptation but then regretted it and have since really improved themselves. I know I have been tempted in the past. It is important to keep in mind that be opting to leave the person, you may simply be exchanging one set of problems for another. The grass isn't always greener on the other side, but may be greener where you stand.
Drew05/12/065:53pmCheating? what's that?
Sophie05/12/064:46amMaybe depending on whoi it was with and if he said it meant anything. my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend but after a montyh with her he came running back to me telling me that he still loves me and kept apologising. he hasn't done it since!!
Cindy05/11/062:05pmSorry but no,no,no!! been married now for 30years.I've been with him since I was 18,now 47.If he stepped out he better keep a walking. But it's my happiness tah he wants to see even to this day. Still in love. So girls it does happen!!!
Cheated on too05/10/066:05pmDear Alsolomano...Your welcome.
Lainey05/10/069:41amMy husband of 25 years cheated on me with a 24 year old. I was devastated but I gave him a second chance. He cheated again and again. Our children were appalled and devastated at what their father had done, especially since the girl was three years older than our son. I can't believe what my husband did, I trusted him but I will never trust anyone 100% again.
Noneya05/10/063:43amWell I feel there are variables that could make this decision more difficult than just black or white... I found out on christmas day that my husband stepped out one time. I guess he just wanted to see what it is was like to be Bill Clinton ha ha.. Anyway, we had been together for 11 yrs at the time, and I have been the only lover he had EVER had. We have a young daughter, and she adored her dad. He apologized over and over, and today, we have a new baby boy, he hasn't done or even tried to do over what had happened... We are closer now than even before which I didn't think was possible... Now we are working on year 14. We have been together since we were 21 and 24, and having 6 brothers of my own, I figured it was bound to happen one or another... I honestly feel it hurt him more to see me hurt than anything... I now have learned to forgive him, although I did tell him he would not get a second chance ... EVER... Now as far as once a cheater always a cheater, I can't stand by that statement, because I cheated on a couple of my ex boyfriends, but in almost 14 years of this relationship, I haven't cheated. I suppose it is one of those case by case issues...
Julio G.05/09/0611:29amI`ve cheated alot on the girl I loved about 10 times and she kept on takin me back until i guess she got tired and played me cuz she told she was playin me
Michelle05/09/068:52amI just found 5 years worth of pictures on our home computer, that my Husband never broke-up with his girlfriend. I told him to pack his stuff and get out! Now the Divorce and custody. I had no idea it was happening right under my nose.....
Hippichick05/09/067:42amI answered yes to the quetion because my husband did cheat on me. I forgave him and my self for it. i realized that my husband and i both were not happy and it took him cheating on my to open my eyes and his to what we have and almost lost. i was not prepared to give up our marriage sacrifice our childrens happieness because of one infidelity. although i forgave once i will not the second time.
Lindi05/09/067:36amMy ex cheated on me, I gave him a second chance but you can never forget and the relationship always strains under it. In the end I left him.
StoneOz05/09/066:39amDepends, if she came forth with another woman & they got me to join in , id prolly go for it , if it was behind back , shifty & ****ed , fck em , no trust , no love. in that case best just to bury em outback or trade em in !
Linda05/08/0611:36pmIf i caught my spouse cheating at me NO second chans becaurse if he didnt know he had something great when he got me he do not diseve me !!
The turtle lover05/08/068:03pmIf I ever caught my spouse cheating on me I would never give them a second chance.If you let them do it once they just might do it agian.It's not worth a second briken heart!!!
Anonymous05/08/063:38pmI responded that I don't know because it really does depend on the situation...and there could be extenuating circumstances.
Alsolomano05/08/062:48pmDear Cheated on too,[the one who directed his/her comment at me] Your absolutely right, God does tell us to forgive, and I'm glad you did forgive the person that cheated on you. Anyway thank you for telling me that. If I could change my poll I would. Thank you, Alsolomano
Nameless05/08/062:33pmSince we believe in polyamory, I can't really relate to this question--but I have forgiven other things.
Cheated on too05/08/0612:45pmThis is directed at Alsolomano. If we're talking Christianity and the ten commandments, your're right. But, also remember God teaches us to forgive. So, I forgave once and felt good that I did it. It allowed me to grow. There are some folks out there that cannot forgive though and that is their right and path to choose. But, if they can forgive they can grow and be even more loving and stronger in thier relationship for having loved and lived through the experience. But, that is just me, there used to be a time years ago when I would scorn you forever if you slighted me. It took a lot of trials and tribulations for me to learn to forgive. But, I'm glad I did because it freed me.
Simone05/08/0610:44amIt happens. Itīs a bit silly top think it wouldnīt happen to you. Being in a relationship doesnīt mean you own someone and also it doesnīt mean you canīt get arroused anymore. If my partner shows enough love to me, stays with me out of free will and pleases me in bed, and has safe sex, why should I worry? I get what I want and when the partner can deal with it, I can.
Alsolomano05/08/068:19amWhy should I give her a second chance, I'm a Christian and she broke one of The Ten Commandments,"Thou shall not commit adultry."
Ann05/08/065:59amIf you really are in love, you should never have to worry about a second chance. Love should always be binding between two people.
Teresa05/07/0610:28pmWe aren't married, but have been heavily involved for over a year, and just last night he was with another woman, my own eyes don't lie, and i dont have a clue how i going to deal withit, so this was a queston made just for me it would seem.
Tranquility05/07/069:30pmIn my mind, I say no second chances. However, I have been in my relationship for almost 21 years. During these years my partner has had 6 affairs that I know of. The one that hurt me the most was when he had an affair with his brothers ex-girlfriend. The one before that was when he had an affair with one of the girls in the office at work. One was with our next door neighbour before her marriage broke up and she moved away. Another was with some woman he met at the beach. The three before that...1, I cannot remember, the other two were a friend of his that turned romance, and another office girl. We have two children. Almost 2 years ago though, after a particularly nasty time, I found the courage to tell him to go. That our relationship was over. For two days he hounded me until I took him back. It was not a good or healthy decision on my part. Now, I wish to leave but cannot due to not having anywhere to go and no money either.
Hillary05/07/066:48pmI am married to a wonderful person and we have always been faithful to one another, but I do wonder sometimes how natural manogamy really is. Are we really supposed to give ourselves to one person only? If my husband cheated on me, I would have to forgive him, but I don't think I could forgive him more than once. People need to realize what there partner expects of them and try there best to adhere to that concept only. What everyone else thinks is irrelevant.
Cheated on too05/07/069:52amI couldn't have said it better. The people in the relationship have to make the decision to want something more together. Everyone can change if they want to, it's called growing. Your absolutely positively right.
Been there05/07/067:08amTo say a person cannot change is like saying that the is no possibility for growth. forgiveness is a vital key to growth. It will still boil down to a personnal decision.
Cheated on too05/07/066:42amI was lucky, I caught him in the beginning stages of the romance nothing pysical had happened, but, it was getting there fast. I was torn whether to stay or to go. I wanted to give my marriage a chance, I deserved to be happy, so I took control. I told the little tramp to stay the "F" away from my husband. She was a receptionist bent on enticing all the guy's at work. It was actually kinda funny how I told her, I called her from my hubby's cell phone right in front of him. My sister asked "Why go after the girl too?" Well, it takes two and women of all people should respect another woman's marriage. I can't stand it when people say it's not the girls fault. IT's both their faults for not controlling themselves and rising above what they know is wrong. It took me a whole day to find out EVERY thing, if we're going to deal with it, deal with it all; leave nothing to pop up in the future. My husband has been front and center ever since. I know what I want from my marriage; I gave up too much before the incident to let something like this spoil the family we worked so hard to achieve. Take control ladies, Know your mind and what you want and don't demand anything less! I deserved better than that and I told him so. He has worked very hard to regain my love and trust. We're happy still a year and a half later and we are trying to have a baby. Honestly, God played a huge roll in saving our marriage without him we would have fallen apart and had no strength to build on. He brought us together and is keeping us together. P.S. The girl ended up losing her job after the company found out she was trying to start a sexual harrassment lawsuit. She got another job about 200 miles away and broke her leg about a month later. Karma I guess.
Cher05/06/066:16amI use the analogy of crossing the line. Once you cross it then it is criss crossed. No turning back! So always think before you act. Once you act you can't take it back!
Sylvia Speed05/05/068:31amI don't know maybe if we have been talking for a long time and we have been talking for a while
Sapphie_Darla05/05/067:28amI dont know because if i was deeply in love maybe..i rather for get my dog back he was my best friend he die 1/17/01 i still miss him
Been There!05/05/065:01amForgiving is the easy part, forgetting is another matter entirely.
Wiccanscot2gen05/05/063:50amOnce a cheat, always a cheat. If you stay in a relationship with a cheat, expect it to happen again (and again).
Been There.....05/04/067:50pmA cheater is a cheater.....don't believe him when he says he's sorry and it won't happen again.
Friendlyed05/04/064:29pmWait till it happens to you!! no second chances
Given up05/04/0612:53pmI have kids and to tell you the truth I wouldnt still be here if it wasnt for them. Through every pregnancy I have found out that he was cheated. Each time I forgave but not forgotten. After each episode he behaves like a new man, like he knows that he f##ked up and I want to leave him. My mother went through the same thing when I was young. After many years of it she finally gave up. She left. After she did she said that she was glad that she did. She said that she doesnt have to worry about what he was doing or doing it with. I love my husband but after being hurt so many times, I have given up. I realized about a year ago that I love him but I am not in-love with him. I just tell myself each day that I stay because of the kids. I love them and would do anything for them. Even if it means being alone in this relationship. I know that each time that he has done this it was never my fault. I know that I am very worthy of a mans love. So I dont blame myself. I keep telling myself that when the time is right I will leave. I will...we all do. Sooner or later we all do.
Anonymous05/04/068:27amThere is no way i would give him a second chance i dont care how long weve been married how many kids we have. i dont want to wait on him every night wondering was he reallly ata work or was he screwing around with another female
Deana05/04/066:13am About six months ago I caught my husband in an affair with someone from work and 2 months after that I found out he had had a long distance "friendship" over the phone for 3 years. We just had our third child around the time I discovered his infidelity. If you would of asked me prior to this if I would leave - my answer would of been a definte yes. But now that I am going through it I look at my kids and I felt I need to give him another chance. Six months later it is difficult and not an easy task. He seems to be doing all the right things now. Is it worth it... well I guess it is to early to tell. But at least I know now that I am giving my all and if he chooses otherwise then in the end he will be in the loss. I can live with myself cause I have a clean concious and can truly say I gave it a try. Cathy I feel for you and respect your decison to give him a chance the first time and respect your decision to leave after you found out that he continued his deceitful ways.
Cathy05/04/062:37amI gave my husband a second chance, he begged me to come back and I did. I caught him again and I am going through a divorce now. I have never broken my marriage vows and I expected my spouse not to either. HE will have to live with his conscienous (if he has one) as mine is clear. I will be much better off without the emotional abuse!
Bridget05/04/0612:31amI would not waste a good frying pan on him a leperd does'nt change his spots.
Christine05/03/0611:15pmI guess I'm just insecure because me and my husband just had a baby together, I dont look my best, and I love him so much that I mit give him a second chance depending on the situation. In Gina's situation I agree with her. Another relationship for over a year! I think I would have hit him with a frying pan after getting over the shock:) You'll fing a better one everything happens for a reason.
Gina05/03/069:08pmI caught my husband cheating on me by reading through his emails. I found out he had been in another relationship for over 1 year, and although I could sense something was wrong, I was never able to prove it. He broke his marital contract with me and I will never forgive him for that.

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